


in which phil endangers baby hippos and dan likes to bite

by itsmyusualphannie (itsmyusualday)



Series: dip and pip domestic fluff [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: ALL THE FLUFF, Banter, Biting, Cuddling, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Innuendo, M/M, Rated T for swearing, banting lads doing laddy bants, but like in a non-sexual way, honestly i'm afraid for phil's nipples, i guess?, i need to stop, i think i'm hilarious, one-sided cuddling?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 05:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17677163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmyusualday/pseuds/itsmyusualphannie
Summary: who knew cuddles could be so painful?





	in which phil endangers baby hippos and dan likes to bite

“Are you done yet?” Phil called into the kitchen.

“No.” There was a clatter. “The water won’t just boil already.”

“Okay,” said Phil, wandering back to the lounge and dropping into his seat. He had barely looked away from his phone screen the entire time.

Another bang from the kitchen and then Dan came out, looking quite disgruntled. He let out a huff, sprawling next to Phil.

“I hate making tea,” he announced.

Phil grinned fondly at him. “Do you?”

“Yes,” Dan insisted. He dragged his long legs up on the sofa and threw himself face-first across Phil’s lap. Phil didn’t react, other than resting his phone on Dan’s head and tapping away rapidly at the screen.

Dan grumbled incoherently, burying his face into the soft folds of Phil’s eye-searingly bright emoji pajama pants. He stayed there for a long moment, just breathing, his arms wrapped around Phil’s waist.

Phil cursed and smacked his phone, which jolted Dan’s head.

“Ow! What the hell.” Dan bit at Phil’s thigh in retaliation.

“My baby hippo died,” Phil complained.

“Your pants are gross.” Dan spat out the mouthful of pajamas he’d bitten. “When’s the last time you washed them?”

Phil pointedly made no comment.

“Are you playing that Crossy game again?”

“Mayyybe,” Phil dragged out.

Dan rolled abruptly off Phil’s lap and made a grab for the phone, but Phil shrieked and held it up out of reach. “No!” he yelped.

“Phil!” said Dan. “We’ve talked about this. You get too stressed out playing that! When did you download it, anyway?”

“Just tonight,” Phil claimed. “And it’s not that bad. I just wanted to make sure my animals are alright. Especially the babies.”

“ _Phil_ ,” said Dan. “They’re pixels in an _app_.”

“They’re my children,” Phil said stubbornly.

Dan groaned loudly and buried his face in Phil’s thighs again, dangerously close to his crotch. “You’re an idiot,” he said, muffled but still audible.

“Hey,” Phil protested half-heartedly, back to violently tapping his phone screen.

Dan shoved at Phil’s legs. “Move,” he said. “My arms are getting numb from laying like this.”

“I didn’t  _ask_ you to flop on me,” Phil objected, but he let Dan push at him until he was slouched across the couch on his back. Dan muttered under his breath, letting Phil’s head fall against the armrest and spreading his legs.

“The water’s probably going to boil soon,” said Phil, wincing as Dan settled between his legs and then lounged across Phil’s chest.

“Ugh,” said Dan. He considered Phil’s baggy koala shirt, propping himself up with his elbows on Phil’s stomach.

Phil was balancing his phone over his head with one hand and swiping at it with the other.

Dan lifted Phil’s shirt and poked his head underneath, then let the shirt fall back over his head and sprawled out against Phil’s chest. He huffed comfortably, tucking his fingers beneath Phil’s back.

Phil swore colorfully as his character died again.

“My ears,” Dan complained.

“My baby,” Phil moaned.

“If you don’t get rid of that app by tomorrow morning, then I’m going to chuck your phone out the window,” Dan mumbled, his lips brushing Phil’s chest hair as he spoke.

“Noo,” Phil said, but not to Dan. He growled at his phone.

“Kinky,” Dan said without any real effort. He could hear the water starting to boil in the kitchen but he didn’t want to get up  _now_.

“The water’s boiling,” said Phil.

“No it isn’t,” Dan denied.

Phil didn’t reply, distracted almost immediately by his game again. There was the sound of a squeak from his phone, and apparently his character had died once more, as Phil let out a strangled noise and then a long, low whine.

“Jesus, Phil.” Dan could feel the vibrations in his  _hair_.

“I hate this game,” Phil wailed.

Dan considered telling him again to delete it but was too lazy to put forth the effort. He shifted his head slightly and bit Phil’s nipple, figuring that put across his point quite succinctly.

Phil swatted his head.

“Ow,” Dan griped. “Asshole.”

“You bit me!” Phil retorted.

Dan pinched Phil’s side in reply and Phil yelped. “Stop!”

“I’ll stop when  _you_ stop playing that stupid game,” Dan tossed at him.

There was a soft thump as the phone hit the other side of the couch. Dan blinked slowly under the darkness of Phil’s shirt, then squawked when the shirt was abruptly pulled away from his head. Phil scowled down at him.

Dan pouted, his curls flying everywhere, then grabbed at Phil’s shirt with one flailing hand. Phil yanked it further up his torso away from Dan’s reach and Dan gave up almost immediately, resting his cheek against Phil’s bare stomach and poking his fingers under Phil’s back again.

“You’re mean,” sulked Dan.

“ _You’re_ mean,” Phil rejoined intelligently.

“Ugh,” Dan said. “Don’t wanna move.”

“You have to,” Phil said. “The water’s going to boil away. Also, you should get my phone for me.”

“No,” said Dan. “You’re the one that tossed it away.”

“You _made_ me!” Phil insisted.

Dan scoffed. “I was under your shirt, I certainly didn’t force you to chuck it across the sofa.”

“You made me,” Phil maintained, logically.

Dan went to bite Phil’s nipple again but Phil caught on immediately, reaching out and snagging his curls.

“Ouch! You dick, my hair isn’t a handle!”

Phil tugged Dan’s head back sharply, narrowed eyes meeting Dan’s pain-teared ones. “Isn’t it?” he said.

Dan glared back at him. “No.”

Phil scoffed and reached down with his other hand to wrap a finger around a soft curl and tug. Dan winced but didn’t look away, Phil’s gaze burning into him. The tension built for another few long seconds, and then Phil released him abruptly. Dan’s head almost snapped forward from the change, but he recovered quickly, yanking his hands out from underneath Phil and shoving himself upright with hands braced against Phil’s chest.

“I’ll get the fucking water,” he snapped, and then threw himself off the couch to disappear into the kitchen.

Phil watched him go, a smile tugging at his lips. He knew how tonight was going to go.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr at [itsmyusualphannie.tumblr.com](https://itsmyusualphannie.tumblr.com)!


End file.
